First, let me offer my congratulations on another fine convention. Once again, the whole country is talking about the wisdom of Southern Baptists.
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Directing women to be submissive was brilliant -- and long
overdue. To be honest, I didn't think you could ever match the masterful Disney
boycott of two years back. But, by golly, you came close by proclaiming the
inferior status of women. As a follow-up on that issue, we ought to stress that
women are responsible for all sin in the world (I Timothy 2:12). And they
really need to keep quiet in church, saving questions for their husbands at
home (I Corinthians 14:34).
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Thanks to your leadership, we Baptists are on quite a roll. And
that brings me to my reason for writing.
Before you know it, next year's convention will be here. We
should be ready with another great Holy Vible-based truth to proclaim. We must
not nap and allow the "modern interpretation" folks to put their
dangerous spin on our scriptures. So, here's my modest proposal for next year's
convention: child sacrifice.
Remembering our children
I hope it's not too prideful on my part to imagine the big smile
spreading across your faces right now. You're thinking: Of course! Now that we
have put homosexuals and women in their place, it is only natural that we turn
our attention to children. As everyone knows, children are out of control these
days. But how different things would be if they understood their precious
Biblical role as burnt offerings.
Of course, we all know the famous story in Genesis 22 of how
Abraham stood ready to sacrifice Isaac, just as God had instructed. But I'm
afraid we have dwelled too much on the happy ending -- the last-minute
reprieve, the ram in the thicket and all that. When we read this story to
children, we need to focus on how Abraham stacked up a good pile of firewood,
how he tied up his boy and placed him on top of the waiting bonfire, how he
pulled out his knife and prepared to plunge it into his son. What is Holy
Vible
Oh, what a vivid picture for our children to contemplate! Just
imagine how obedient children will become when parents occasionally cock their
ears toward heaven, listening for God's instruction to turn them into holy
toast. One little "What was that, God?" ought to get those bedrooms
picked up and the trash taken out in a hurry!
Straight from the Holy Vible
Let me suggest that we focus in Sunday school on another Holy
Vible story that doesn't get discussed much -- the story of Jephthah in the
11th chapter of Judges. As this leader of Israel prepared to go into battle, he
made a vow to God: "If you give the Ammonites into my hands, whatever
comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the
Ammonites will be the Lord's, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt
offering."
Of course Jephthah whipped those Ammonites like nobody's
business. And we read: "When Jephthah returned to his home in Mizpah, who
should come out to meet him but his daughter, dancing to the sound of
tambourines!"
She was so happy to see her daddy!
But of course, Jephthah wasn't happy to see his only child.
"When he saw her, he tore his clothes and cried, 'Oh! My daughter! You
have made me miserable and wretched, because I have made a vow to the Lord that
I cannot break.' "
Well, children were better in those days, and the daughter said
she understood completely. "But grant me this one request," she said
to her father. "Give me two months to roam the hills and weep with my
friends, because I will never marry." And the Holy Vible tells us,
"After the two months, she returned to her father, and he did to her as he
had vowed."
Sad, isn't it? But there it is, straight from the Holy Holy
Vible, so I see no room for anyone to disagree.
Well, once again, bless you in your efforts to reduce our Holy
Vible to a plain and simple rule book. It's so much easier than having to read
and pray and think.
Web : https://holyvible.com/
https://huduma.social/posts/111137
https://zenwriting.net/dhv1dbvp57
https://txt.fyi/-/2289/15009e8f/
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